JOURNAL HAS ENDED.

Today is the day an official break up is published. 17th march was the first day i hugged a girl and closed my eyes and saw a picture of us together. She isn't beautiful on the outside but very on the inside. I got attracted to her the moment i saw her. She gave me a chance and it went on really well untill now. She has only one flaw which is her ego. She can be so stubborn to the extent you wanna pull out your hair.

MEMORIES:
We met through an event in december.
Got close after i got my exam results.
Happiest day of my life - 17th March 2009 [ Hugged Her ]
Met her parents in March
Dint know I was attached till the second time i met her parents at her grandma's birthday.
Went for movies that was so boring yet i was happy because i sat beside the one i love.
Sat at the park to talk and appreciate the dark sky.
Went to her house and watch a movie together but wasn't a good experience that day.
Went prawning with her and she did better than me.
Went to play pool at amk central with her and let her win.
Went to window shop with her with our hands connected.
Went to her house to give her something to eat when she was hungry.
Search for her when she walked off but couldn't find her.
Went to Marina Barage and intended to see the stars that night. Never got to.
Ordered a stuff toy from the shop but dint got a reply.
Went skating with her cousins, sister and her.
Cried on her shoulders before.
Slept together at the chalet for a while.
Took walks with her in pasir ris park.
She bought milk tea for me when i wasted my own.
She came for me when i needed her most.
On the phone for 2 hours and dont mind wasting time.
Got to know some of her friends. Dint get to know those she talks to alone.
Tickled each other on the bed.
Kissed for a long tym in the park
Threw tantrums together
Lay on her shoulder in the bus.
Tickles me when im angry
So many memories but i don't wanna type them all out.

Problem with us:
I'm too sensitive.
I get jealous easily cuz i don't know her friends.
I am afraid of losing her cuz i got no confidence.
She refuse to let me tag along with her sometimes which makes me doubt her.
She has a barrier going on in her.
She dosen't like to say I love you to let me feel she does.
I wonder if she lets anyone hug her when she talks with her guy friend in the night.
I care too much.
Put too much hope in US.




Readers, this post is here because i never wanna forget this wonderful girl that has given me all i ever wanted. If theres a girl like her in my next life, i would gladly try to do the same from the start. Honestly amongst the 4 ex girlfriends, she is the one i only wants and couldn't live without and ever since 7/11/09, my heart is never alive again and its because she is not willing to change for my sake. She is going to continue to be stubborn and make a fool out of me. People can say im an idiot.
Friend: "John, u let ur girl go out with a group of guys and your not there?"
Myself: Trust her. [Speechless]
Friend: Dude, thats not the way man.. You don't even have control over your own girl.
CONVERSATION ENDED CUZ I GOT ANGRY WITH MY FRIEND!

I don't know what to say now. Im just seeing the blue sky turn grey. My heart is in pieces but that dosen't metter. The day she finds her true happiness is the day im willing to tell myself let go of her, shes got wad she needs. Lasst but not least. I LOVE YOU but im sorry, u've left the scar there and theres no way we could be like before unless u change.